My uncle Jason has hundreds of people all around the world who are leaving messages of sympathy on his facebook wall. He was a Communications Officer in the Air Force, a Cruise Ship…Builder-guy and a Pilot. He has touched so many lives all over the world and has left a huge hole that will be impossible to fill.
Being the selfish being I am this made me think about what my funeral will be like. I have lived such a small life in comparison. My funeral will be quiet, it will be small and it will be lonely. Being that I will be dead at the time and not caring either way, it makes me think of the heartbreak my mom will face when she sees an empty funeral. She’s told me she worries about me being lonely all the time. I want to tell her she doesn’t need to worry that I’ll be alone- because I already am; and I have been for longer than I want to admit. That is what I have realized during this week of introspection. I have hurt my mom throughout my life and I won’t stop even in death. And there really is nothing I can do about that.
every Doctor Who theme at once
This is how i felt when all the doctors joined together to save Gallifrey.
this would suit Capaldi perfectly
the opening sequence can just be this gif
I’ve never had goosebumps like that before…..my body was NOT ready…
So a couple of days ago I lost my uncle. He was a pilot and during one of his routes an instrument malfunctioned. From what I gather he had to lower his altitude to compensate and something happened or he went to low and he crashed into the side of a mountain in Puerto Rico.
This doesn’t happen. When the fuck have you ever heard of somebody dying in a plane crash or crashing into a fucking mountain!? It happens in movies or on the news. To people you don’t know, people who to you aren’t real. But this does happen, it did happen. Why did it happen?
I have never let myself feel emotions. If that makes sense to you. Of course I have been sad- depressed, but as a way of coping I have made myself bottle everything. If I get sad I just stop being sad, I bury it. I have been trying to do it with this and its not working. I never understood how people described losing someone as physical pain- but it does hurt. Its like a phantom pain- perhaps for the ghost of the person you’ve lost. I am trying to study how I feel objectively because it is all so new to me, but I also want it to stop because of the pain.
As an atheist I feel that we have a harder time with Death. The theist has the delusion that they will see their loved ones again- perfect in body and mind- and happy, surrounded by all of their family. The atheist, however, lives in reality and has to deal with the finality of Death all at once. We have no crutch to lean on, we have to crawl to recovery through the hurt and pain. We have to accept that we will never hear their voice or laughter or hear another joke- he’s gone.
He was only 35 years old. Behind he leaves a wife and two year old son. A mother and father, two brothers a grandmother, nieces, nephews and more friends than I thought one person could ever have. And they all loved him. Everybody did.
During hard time some people turn to god or religion, philosophy or poetry. For me, I looked towards my hero, my mentor, my Doctor:
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
they found my uncle’s body this morning.
My uncle is a pilot and tonight his plane went down. I don’t know anything other than they found the tail section and the numbers match up. They haven’t recovered any bodies, so there is still hope.
Here I am with my beautiful new PS4!
I delayed uploading this because I was playing with my new toy, what do you think? There are some Server errors right now, but if you’re persistent you can download games and movies and apps. It may take a few tries to get into Netflix, but if you’re quick you can beat the error codes. All of this was expected, its a new console and new online setup.
I played a little bit of Call of Duty Ghosts, very little bit in campaign, got to do the space battle I REALLY hope that wasn’t it because it was really nothing, cool as hell but short. Multi-player is fun, aiming felt a little sluggish, probably because I have basic load out. I’m sure with different perks I’ll aim quicker again.
Overall I am very excited (See Above Image) and very happy with my new system…she’s so sexy I may name her TARDIS.
So I got a ride and I also picked up my copy of CoD: Ghosts Hardened Edition, not that I wanted that edition, but it saved money on the season pass, and I got a cool Survival Bracelet, which could come in handy if there is some unforeseen Zombie Apocalypse or another Republican gets into office…\Don’t worry I hate Democrats equally :)
I am also 22nd in line tonight so I should be in and out within 5 minutes. Today was an exceedingly good day. I’m going to smoke some more weed, eat food and wait for midnight.